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Scenes from the Republic of Xenophobia Omkar Goswami
The Occasion: It is a historic day for Indian Communists. The CPI(M) has invited the CPI to a meeting at its Alimuddin Street office in Kolkata. The two parties have finally come together to debate the greatest socio-political and economic threat facing India: that of one renegade World Bank-IMF chap called Montek Singh Ahluwalia, who is inviting foreigners and Indian-born-foreign-mentality fellows to be members of various expert committees of the Planning Commission. Unknown to the participants, there was a hidden video camera which taped the proceedings. This is what happened. The setting is a poorly lit room with an ancient table that can sit over three dozen comrades. On the walls are huge sepia toned photographs of revered foreign experts who have been the guiding light of communism - Karl Marx, Friedrich Engel, Vladimir Lenin, Josef Stalin and Mao. Slowly, the venerable comrades come trooping in, led by the exalted Com. Shining Light in his early nineties, followed by Com. Surge-it in his late eighties. The guest is CPI’s Com. Bard-On, in his late seventies. The average age is 79. After a couple of comrades in their fifties are kidded for being newly born babes, all solemnly stand as the creaky sound system plays ‘L’Internationale’ - a song composed in 1888 by a foreigner called Adolphe Degeyter based on the words of another foreigner called Eugene Pottier. Then Comrade Shining Light calls the meeting to order. Com. Shining Light: “I have told the press that we don’t want foreign experts in the Planning Commission. I have also said that that Montek Ahluwalia is all wrong. He is a World Bank man. He must mend his ways. I have also told them that we will take this up with Manmohan when he returns from abroad. Comrade Bard-On, what do you have to say?” Com. Bard-On: “Thank Marx for Montek! Without him, we would never have been invited here. But more to the point, comrades, I agree that every foreign expert must be shooed out - not just from the Planning Commission but also from India. We have enough home grown experts in everything. Why do we need these foreigners? Let us immediately take up this matter with Madame Sonia.” At this point, a comrade in his fifties uncharacteristically broke the long-standing gerontocratic protocol (people below 75 speak last), and started asking questions out of turn. Young Comrade: “Senior comrades, pardon my interrupting. As a student of economics, I once studied a paper called “Indian Planning”. There I had read that one foreigner - a professor from MIT called Richard Eckaus - played an important role in the planning process by doing some work with Kirit Parikh. It was called the Eckaus-Parikh model, and was a key element of the Fourth Five Year Plan. Was that wrong? Com. Shining Light: (Mildly irritated) We know nothing of this Eckaus fellow. But if he was involved in India’s planning, we oppose it. We will never allow this Eckaus to enter the portals of Yojana Bhavan any more. Young Comrade: (Not getting the hint) But these foreigners are not full time officials of the Planning Commission. They are only members of the many consultative committees - each of which have at least 30 other members. Why should this be a problem? Com. Surge-it: Arre bhai, foreigner-log consultative committee ka member nahi ho sakta hai. Aaj foreigner ko member banao to kal desh chalayega. East India Company bhool gaye? Young Comrade: (Still not getting the hint) But thirteen of the fourteen people who we are calling foreigners are actually Indians. For instance, Arun Maira worked for 25 years in Telco before going abroad to join Arthur D. Little and then the Boston Consulting Group. He lives in India and advises many Indian companies. How can he be considered anti-national? Or Sudipto Mundle, who did his Ph.D in India, was a professor at the National Institute of Public Finance and Policy, an advisor at the Ministry of Finance before joining the Asian Development Bank? Com.
Bard-on: Bhand me jayen, these so-called Indians. They went abroad. They
earned dollars. They didn’t suffer poverty like us. We don’t want them.
We want only desi, entirely home grown varieties, who understand our ways of
thinking. Young Comrade: (Still persisting) But, by that criterion, we should not have had Bimal Jalan, who not only studied abroad but worked in the World Bank and the IMF; or Vijay Kelkar who did his Ph.D from Berkeley and worked at the IMF; or have Rakesh Mohan, who did his Ph.D from Princeton and worked at the World Bank; or Ashok Lahiri who worked for over a decade at the IMF; or Parthasarathi Shome, who did his Ph.D abroad and worked at the IMF. In fact, Montek himself worked at the World Bank and for a few years was holding a very senior position at the IMF. Even our Prime Minister did his D.Phil at Oxford and worked for abroad at the South-South Commission. Com. Shining Light: (Finally had enough, and cutting in). Listen, you stupid boy. First, you break our protocol to speak out of turn. Second, you come up with rubbish questions. Let me have the last word. Number one, there will be no foreigners at the Planning Commission or anywhere. By that we mean those who studied or worked abroad for the World Bank, IMF, ADB, UN, McKinsey, Boston Consulting or any such capitalist organisation. Number two, you will not confuse World Bank money with World Bank people. We have no objections in states which we rule to get World Bank money, because money is fungible. But we won’t allow World Bank people. Number three, you don’t understand the difference between running a government and supporting one from outside. In West Bengal we run the government, and so we behave in a responsible way. Here, we support the government from outside, and so protesting is our birthright. Number four, I propose that we not only block all these 14 foreigners in the Planning Commission, but also Montek, Rakesh Mohan, Ashok Lahiri, Partha Shome and anyone else who has ever received even one dollar from capitalist-imperialist institutions. Number five, I propose that our impertinent comrade here is forced to do 100 days of compulsory indoctrination to change his ways. Finally, I also propose we catch the evening flight to Delhi to have another showdown with young Manmohan, who is getting too big for his churidars. Agreed, comrades? Everyone except the one comrade: (Loudly) Agreed! They leave, each complaining of body aches and arthritis, but not without each giving one tight slap to the renegade comrade who asked so may questions. The hall empties, leaving the ancient foreigners on the wall having a huge laugh.
Published: Financial Express, September 2004
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